A white girl’s perspective on interracial dating

I have a feeling I’m about to get blasted in the comments here, since interracial dating is such a taboo topic.  Let me begin by assuring you that I’m not racist at all; I have friends of all enthnicities, and I fervently believe that everyone should have equal rights and opportunities.  In the dating world, however, this gets tricky because personal preferences come into play.  In theory, I’m open to the idea of dating men from all different races.  But in reality, I’ve only ever found myself attracted to white men.

Why is that, I’ve often wondered.  As a blonde, blue-eyed white woman, I suppose it makes sense that I would be most attracted to men who look like me.  Studies show that people tend to choose mates with similar genes as themselves.  Yes, interracial marriages are on the rise (and it’s great that they’re becoming more universally accepted by society).  And I know some people dream of a future where all races will eventually blend together into one multi-race.  A one-race world would be nice in a lot of ways (the end of racism!), but I really think it would just be boring if we all looked alike.  Certain traits, such as blonde hair and blue eyes (being recessive), would disappear completely.  In fact, natural blonds are expected to go extinct by 2202.  If I want little blond, blue-eyed children who look just like me, then I need a mate with similar genes.  It’s just biology.

I often feel guilty that I only date white guys, but it turns out I’m not alone.  Statistically, white women are the most race-conscious daters in America, with the majority indicating on online dating sites that they only date white men.  In contrast, white men are less likely to indicate any racial preference, and when they do, it’s typically to exclude a particular race (not the entire non-white spectrum).  White women are less likely to interracial marry than white men are, but when they do, the odds are stacked against them.  The divorce stats are striking: white men married to non-whites have the standard divorce rate.  But white women married non-whites have a far higher rate of divorce.  This effect is especially pronounced in white-woman-with-Asian-man marriages, which have a 60% higher rate of divorce than whites who marry whites.

Statistics and genes aside, I really would like to try dating men of different races.  I’ve been pursued by Blacks, Indians, Pacific Islanders, and many ambiguously ethnic guys, but I’ve just never met one I’m attracted to.  However, I’m always on the lookout for a particularly sexy specimen that will prove to me that I CAN be attracted to non-white men.  It just hasn’t happened yet.

July 31, 2012. Tags: , . Uncategorized.


  1. James W. Lewis replied:

    Nice blog. There’s no need to feel guilty; we’re mostly attracted to people that look like us. But I admire your honesty and being open to the idea!

  2. The Letter "B" replied:

    Hi there! Just stumbled across your blog while looking for feedback on the Match.com Stir events.

    I think whatever images of beauty are formed in our minds early on in life are those we stick to when it’s time to go looking for love. I think I’m in a similar boat as you just from the perspective of someone of another race. I am open to dating outside of my race but have yet to meet guys that would make me cross the invisible color line. There are those white celebs that I can watch on tv or in movies all day because they are GORGEOUS but the guy in the cubicle across the way from me? Um, I can’t see us getting together.

    Sometimes I think some interracial/intercultural couples may not be as honest as they need to be about their differences which may create more intense strains on a relationship past the usual men are from Mars, women are from Venus variety.

  3. matt z replied:

    No Pedro fling in South Beach for you missy?

  4. Pupu sampler: Daphne tries dating an Asian guy « stilettosoncobblestone replied:

    […] I recently wrote about interracial dating, I’m generally only attracted to white guys, but I’m always on the lookout for […]

  5. realist replied:

    I appreciate your honesty. The dating pattern you spoke of is realistic for most ethnic groups – not just whites. Mexicans are more likely to marry other Mexicans, Asians marry other Asians, etc. People tend to date or marry someone of the same ethnicity. The exception is with Native Americans. The vast majority of Native Americans are part white. There are some basic reasons. The total population size is far less than 1% of the US population. The proximity with mainstream society leads to a lot of interracial dating and marriage. As the pattern continues and grows the children who are part white are even more likely to marry on the outside. After several generations of intermixing you find mixed-blooded Native Americans who look more Caucasian than Native American: Heather Locklear, Johnny Depp, Emily Didonato, Megan Fox, Vanessa Hudgens, Burt Reynolds, and Chuck Norris (the classic part-white Cherokee appearance with reddish-brown hair which is very common in Oklahoma). The only true Native Americans are concentrated in the Four Corners – but even there the interracial dating pattern is rising rapidly with the young generation. My guess is that if you finally break the “non-white” barrier of dating it may very likely be with a mixed-blooded Native American like Sam Bradford – the Heisman winning Cherokee quarterback. Here in the south I found it was common among White Confederates – they did not intermarry with blacks or Hispanics but often did with Native Americans. John Wayne showed it in his movie “The Undefeated” when a white southern belle, the daughter of a Confederate Colonel, rode off with a Cherokee Scout for the US Army. It’s still like that. I have a blonde white girlfriend in the Deep South. I never expected it as a young full-blooded Native American growing up in rural Arizona. But it happened to me just like it did to the Cherokees hundreds of years ago. Picture a feminine blonde white woman with a big, athletic Native American on a gym date. Take care.

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