How to pretend you’re NOT having your period

ImageA while back I blogged about the “Pretend Period”—a little red lie we girls tell to guys when we want to avoid getting busy.  But what about the opposite scenario, when you really do want to have sex but the crimson tide is in full swing?

True, most guys (especially a boyfriend) are fine having sex during a girl’s period; they just throw down a towel and have at it.  But some dudes can be a bit squeamish, and the whole thing can be awkward if you’re not that close to the guy yet (for example, if it’s your first time sleeping together).  But you can’t just pretend the blood isn’t there… or can you?

Allow me to introduce a little piece of technology known as the “menstrual cup”—a  device that consists of a flexible ring with a little plastic bag attached.  It works similarly to a diaphram (if you even know what those are, as they’re a somewhat archaic birth control method today).  To use one, the woman squeezes the cup and slides it all the way up into her vagina, until it cups over her cervix, catching the blood as it drips out.  Although somewhat difficult to insert and remove (you really gotta stick your fingers all the way up there), you can’t feel the cup at all while it’s in place.  Menstrual cups have a lot of advantages over tampons: you can wear them for 12 hours, there’s no risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome, and they’re less likely to leak.  And most importantly, you can wear them during sex.

I had my first chance to try this out a couple weeks ago, when an out-of-town lover happened to come for a visit—on precisely the day my period was due.  That afternoon, my period still hadn’t started, but I slipped in the cup “just in case.”  By that evening, I started to *feel* like I was getting my period, but there was still no sign of blood, so I wasn’t sure.  As we started having sex, I was surprised to realize that it did not feel any different: I couldn’t feel the cup at all!  No blood, but all the usual lubrication was flowing.  The sex was great.  I asked Mark if he felt anything different.  “I can definitely feel there’s something up there,” he replied, “but it doesn’t hurt or anything.”  Afterward, I went into the bathroom to remove the cup, and discovered a big pool of blood hiding inside.  So yes, they really work!

A few tips if you want to try this at home:

1. The brand of cup you use matters, since some of them sit lower in the vagina.  I used the Instead softcup, which fits snugly up against your cervix.

2. Insert the cup well before you actually have sex (ideally, before the bleeding even starts).  If you’ve already got blood dripping down, then it’s going to take a while for it to completely clear out of your vagina.

3. Warn the guy ahead of time.  Unless he’s got a tiny penis or you have an extra-long vagina, chances are he’s going to feel something plastic up there, so do him a favor and let him know it’s not vagina dentata.

July 26, 2012. Uncategorized.

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