Texts from Douchebags: “My friend is in the hospital” Edition

I’ll admit it: I have sometimes been known to cancel dates at the last minute.  One of my favorite excuses in these cases is to blame it on a “girlfriend emergency”–i.e., one of the girls has just gotten her heart broken and it’s all hands on deck!  Guys never question this excuse.  Since I have a huge network of single girlfriends, and none of us is terribly lucky in love, it’s a pretty good excuse.  I end up looking like a loyal, caring friend (instead of a flake), and the guy never suspects that I canceled the date simply because I just didn’t really feel like seeing him.

Well, karma finally caught up with me (as it always does), and last week a guy canceled a date with me at the last minute by blaming his friends.  Luckily, I wasn’t overly excited about seeing this guy anyway, since he had sort of seemed like a douche at Liberty Hotel when he approached me.  (And there are a lot of douches at Liberty).  Also, there was the clue provided by the very first text he sent:

“Hey girl nice to meet you – Brad aka MIT douche”

At least he’s a self-aware douche.  Anyway, cut to the evening of our date, and I have a nagging suspicion that he has possibly forgotten, since I haven’t heard from him all day.  We had agreed to meet at 8:15.  At 8:20, I’m still at home and pretty sure I’m getting stood up, but I decide to send him a “Sorry running late” message, just in case he is waiting for me at the bar.

You have to give Brad credit for creativity here.  Instead of admitting that he completely forgot the date, he first tries to act like he’s on his way, stuck in traffic.  Then, 2 seconds later, the cancellation.  His friend’s in the hospital.  Yeah, right.

To no one’s surprise, Brad did not text back to let me know how his friend had fared.  I simply never heard from him again.  Two weeks later, I decided to have a little fun with Brad, so I texted him to ask about his friend’s condition.

So, there you have it.  Brad admits the whole “friend in the hospital” story was a complete fabrication.  And THEN he has the audacity to ask me out again.  Naturally, I do not respond.  Brad persists.

That’s right, Brad: I do think you’re a douche.  And, no, I’m not going to go out with you.

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July 9, 2012. Texts from Douchebags.

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