Dating Dealbreaker: Scratchy Stubble

When preparing for a date, I never forget to shave my legs.  Everyone knows that hairy legs on a girl are a big turnoff for guys, so we make sure we are always smooth and soft.  But why is it that men do not extend the same courtesy to us?  I’m talking about scratchy stubble–the sharp regrowth that sprouts on the face of a guy who hasn’t shaved for a day (or three).

When I go out on a date, more often than not, I will discover the dude is sporting this prickly stubble when he leans in to kiss me–and proceeds to sandblast my face.  Waking up the next day with a red, dry, flaky chin is par for the course in these cases.  Oftentimes this damage takes a couple days to heal before my chin stops flaking off like a dandruff commercial.  In the meantime, I have to try to camouflage the flaky mess so that I can kiss other boys.  (Hey, no damaging the merchandise, buddy.  You break it, you buy it).  In one extreme case, the guy’s stubble was so bad that my raw chin actually pussed and scabbed over for a week!

Are men completely oblivious to how painful this condition can be? Or do they just think the stubble makes them look rugged and tough? Girls have softer, more sensitive skin than men (thanks to estrogen), and maybe men just don’t get that they are hurting us.  So, male readers, let’s do a little demonstration.  Close your eyes.  Lightly stroke the inside of your wrist.  Imagine this soft patch of skin is your girlfriend’s face.  Now, vigorously rub your wrist up against your stubbly face.  (Ouch, right?)

The good news, boys, is that this condition is easily fixable with a 99-cent razor.  Buy one and use it.  In fact, the geniuses over at Dollar Shave Club will be happy to send you all the blades you need for just a few dollars a month.  If a guy shows up for a date with me with a prickly face, I will generally ignore it once, but I will definitely cut short any makeout sessions to save my complexion.  When the guy does arrive clean-shaven, I’ll make a big point of complimenting him and telling him how smooth his face is (Men are like dogs, you have to reward good behavior).  On the other hand, if showing up with stubble becomes a pattern, I will call you out on it (nicely).  I might say something like “I really like it when you shave for me. Will you please shave next time?”

Last night I went out on a first date with a guy that I thought I really liked (from meeting him the previous weekend).  And I had a great time–right up until the end of the night when he kissed me and revealed a bad case of chin stubble.  Within minutes of making out, I could feel my face and neck being scraped raw.  I pulled away and started to say goodnight.  Apparently the damage was quite visible, because the guy asked me with alarm, “Do you have sensitive skin?” Well, yes, I do have quite delicate porcelain skin.  He gestured at my now-bright-red neck and chest.  “Is that a sunburn, or is that from me?”

“It’s from you,” I said gently.

“Wow, sorry about that, I’ll be sure to shave next time,” he promised.  He did seem genuinely aggrieved.

So, maybe that’s it?  Men don’t want to hurt us, but they just don’t know that they are because we girls are queens at zipping our lips and suffering in silence.  So, boys, here’s your memo from girls everywhere.  Please shave before you kiss us because you destroy our faces when you don’t.  (Not to mention the extreme pain inflicted down south if you try to kiss us DOWN THERE with stubble on your face). Ouch.

July 6, 2012. Dating Dealbreakers.

One Comment

  1. Tracy replied:

    Scruffy is sexy, but I agree with you- stubble rash is a nightmare! I have a solution for you, The Soft Goat. It’s the only product that solves the problem. Keep one in your purse at all times or give them to your men. The Soft Goat specifically removes the sharp edges of the stubble and leaves the face soft and inviting. Trust me, it works!! I am no longer a victim of stubble rash. You’re welcome!!!

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