What guys really think about your group of girlfriends [Guest Post]

by Elton Zoolander

Note from Daphne: This is a guest post, penned by none other than Matt-Steve (our beloved texting douchebag from LA).  I, of course, love my loyal group of girlfriends and consider them to be vital allies in the War of Love between the sexes.  Although, I will concede that “The Girls” can sometimes get in the way of a blossoming romance.  Let’s see what a guy has to say about it…

Let’s talk about Facebook profile photos and chicks. Then, being a man, I’ll offer you a little Insight circa 2012 about what we really think about girls and their army of girlfriends, a peak behind the curtain, if you dare…

OK, Facebook. What a stupid platform. It’s full of ranting lunatics with status updates–aka famous quotations, emotions and self-promoting. The ones that spend the most time bragging are the ones that need a therapist, not a digital personal-public journal outlet. But I regress… let’s talk about what we dudes see when we see a profile picture of a group of girls.

If the chick is over age 25 and her profile picture is posing with a group of girlfriends, then a dumb guy (or “boy”) says to himself, “Cool, she has some girl friends, my buddies will come out to hang, looks like she is fun, party on.”  However, a smart guy (or “man”) says, “Yep she is dying to find a boyfriend” [*if single] or “She is just broken up with a dude and wants to show how much better off she is now.”  This can also be interpreted as marketing for “I’m not desperate, I have friends to hang out with that fulfill my needs, I’ll be a cool girlfriend and go to sports games!” 

If she is over 30 and posing with one or more girlfriends, we interpret it as, “Boy do I have my work cut out for me with this one, she still isn’t a woman.”  Or we might think it’s a marketing campaign–i.e., “Just had a girls weekend, found the best picture where I look good and they look like shit” (*doesn’t matter if she is single or not, women are competitive). Women in their 20’s or as they progress into their 30’s, when viewed by a smart guy, it’s like dating a team. There are 3 or 4 levels of management working for that department in the corporation.  There are chains of command, approval processes etc… Just so many different opinions to account for. 


And then you have to know your audience. Unfortunately, a guy’s success with a woman/girl/chick rides on the happiness level of her friends, as well as the fickle woman being we are attempting to “woo.”

If her friends are losers or having a rough go of it, good luck with that, buddy. Imagine if they are all on the same cycle and you wander into that tornado, unaware?? In general, if they aren’t a really successful, happy, healthy bunch, unless you are Ryan Gosling in the notebook, YOU ARE FUCKED trying to get past the lions den. Even still, if you DO make it past level one and things go well, don’t forget the “sabotage” aka the jealousy factor. No friend wants her friend to be happy if she isn’t, and they don’t want to lose the musical chairs game. You won’t know what hit you but you did something, either too right or stepped into a bear trap. A GUY CANNOT WIN without luck, so they play the odds. Women drive that train… Just need to slow down the crazy. Combine all this and the outside pressures on an aging man, tired and weary from the Indiana Jones world of trying to save the princess, and there you go. 


Next up, the second wife – secretary syndrome.

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July 3, 2012. Uncategorized.

6 Comments

  1. Texts from Douchebags: The return of Matt-Steve « stilettosoncobblestone replied:

    […] us with a guest blog post, to be published shortly. (Update: Matt-Steve’s blog post is posted here.) Like this:LikeBe the first to like […]

  2. The Semanticists replied:

    Daphne, find yourself a guy (and a guest poster) who knows the difference between “regress” and “digress.”

    • Matt Z replied:

      She was actually trying to be nice and edited for me. I wrote “I progress” which I found funny.

      Oh btw… Nice WordPress handle. Not! I bet you self appoint yourself the task of coming up with the witty group name during Tuesday night trivia and no one has the heart to tell you, you aren’t funny.

  3. Pyro replied:

    There’s just so much that’s incredibly sexist, offensive and just plain douchey about this post. Still though, can’t wait to hear more from this guy, he’s hilarious in a “I’m a completely unaware twat” kind of way.

    • Matt z replied:

      Thanks? I think you take anonymous blog posts a hair too serious. Settle down Beavis ^

  4. popular books replied:

    Howdy! This blog post couldn’t be written any better!
    Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept talking about this. I’ll send this information to him.
    Fairly certain he will have a great read. Thank
    you for sharing!

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