Texts from Douchebags: The return of Matt-Steve

Six months after writing “Texts from Douchebags: LA edition,” I’m still texting with Matt-Steve.   So, I finally decided the time had come to tell him about the blog.  Naturally, Matt-Steve loved it, charmingly egocentric as he is.

However, he has taken issue with the word “douchebag” to describe himself.  Here is Matt-Steve’s response:

In response to “texts from douchebags” I was going to clear up some misconceptions, but it made good literature so all is good. Matt Z is the name, I work in advertising, had a music client.

I was trying to think of the right word to describe myself. Douchebag? Nah too defined by clothes, aesthetic and cliche. Asshole? I mean yes and no. Masshole is too commonly used and Tucker max coined “Hi i’m Tucker Max and I’m an asshole”. Dennis Leary wrote a song about it. Jerk? Nah I’m actually not mean deep down. Dickhead? That’s kind of douchebag meets asshole. Punk! No, that’s not it, Ashton Kutcher ruined that word and he’s a douchebag. I tote the line so to speak, sometimes I cross it and sometimes I don’t. I’m playful yet can be annoying, mildly offensive depending on context but somehow still have all my teeth. I’m a bit of an agitator, in what I believe is in a charming way. I can be a nuisance, I can also whine if I don’t get my way (see texts). I’m a provocateur (or “pro voka”) in massholian. Instigator or Instigata? One of the two. Pick a card, any card.

So, what do you think, dear readers?  Douchebag, asshole, or what?  You don’t have to decide right away.  For your reading pleasure, Matt-Steve has also generously provided us with a guest blog post, to be published shortly. (Update: Matt-Steve’s blog post is posted here.)

July 2, 2012. Uncategorized.


  1. What guys really think about your group of girlfriends [Guest Post] « stilettosoncobblestone replied:

    […] from Daphne: This is a guest post, penned by none other than Matt-Steve (our beloved texting douchebag from LA).  I, of course, love my loyal group of girlfriends and consider them to be vital allies […]

  2. Pyro replied:

    Didn’t need to read past the first paragraph to work this one out – “I work in advertising, had a music client.” = DOUCHE.

  3. matt z replied:

    Making assessment about someone based on their occupation = angry Starbucks employee that wants to be an “artist” or some menial corporate cubicle monkey

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