Kindle-ing a New Flame

by Parker Lee

As part of my new life as Travelling Tammy (thanks, Teddy), I recently purchased a Kindle.  I went all out: 3G, a flowery skin and pink case to really accessorize that bitch….  Hot.  Not that I plan to use the Kindle to pick up guys…

But I’ve always had this fantasy that one day I’ll get on a plane and squeeze into the middle seat next to my Romeo (and it wouldn’t hurt if he looked like Leonardo DiCaprio, but more like the one from The Beach than Romeo & Juliet) in the aisle seat next to me.  He and I would spend the first couple hours of the flight regaling one another with tales of our travels and completely in-synch lives – I would insist that he not get up to let me out of the row to use the lavatory – “I’ll just climb over.”  By the return from my third bathroom trip (it will be at least a four-hour flight), we’d be back in our seats basking in the glow of our induction into the coveted Mile High Club.

So an easy conversation-starter like the Kindle can’t hurt, right?  WRONG!

WHAT is going on with the Kindle screensavers?  Are you kidding me, Kindle?  When I think of the Kindle as a conversation-starter, I think “Oh, I’ve been thinking about getting one of those, how do you like it?” not “What is that bizarre Herculean cowboy scene?” or “Are those drowning children?”

My first experience with the screensaver was this intricate black and white drawing of little birdies on a little branch came up.  Aw, lovely, well done Kindle.  That’s how they get you.  Then the truth came out.  Don’t get me wrong, so far it seems that half of the size of the Kindle is actually made up of the memory drive for these images – there seem to be a plethora on “shuffle” – but there REALLY are awkward Herculean drawings and apparently drawings of drowning children (I haven’t seen that one myself yet, but from what I have seen, I think I should probably brace myself).

I’ve Googled how to change it – it’s not exactly easy, you have to step into like the Kindle VBA code, it requires you to load your own images instead, and it compromises your Kindle license or something that sounds important like that.

So instead of the irresistibly sexy stranger in the aisle seat next to me beckoning me to act as Kindle maven, he won’t even talk to me because, since he doesn’t yet own a Kindle and doesn’t yet know about these horrifyingly awkward screensaver images, he’ll wonder what’s wrong with me, believing that I actually like that creepy-intense drawing of Emily Dickinson on the front of it.  And his assumption wouldn’t be anywhere near out of line, because every other electronic device of this nature allows and encourages you (by making it so easy) to pick something that you want to look at while your device is sleeping, instead of this:

Why do you think you’re better than everyone, Kindle?

February 28, 2011. Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. Daphne Reese replied:

    I can’t believe how disturbing some of those Kindle screensavers are! But you just know there are people out there who love them.

    In fact, a woman on this message board likes them so much she is wondering where she can find large prints “suitable for framing.” hahaha

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